Things They Really Should Warn Moms of Boys About

I have four children. One glorious, beautiful, good smelling, obedient (mostly) daughter… and three boys.

Three. Boys. And they’re all within two years of each other because I decided that having twins was a good idea. So there’s that.

 

Things They Never Tell You

As I’ve become The Expert Of All Things Man Child Related, I thought I’d share a little bit of my wisdom with you. Because, let’s face it, life in general is full of unexpected things. Life with children can be challenging. But life with boys? Well, life with boys is nothing short of chaos. Brace yourselves, Mommas, it’s gonna be a wild ride.

Boys.

#1. Boys break stuff. I’m not just talking about your grandma’s china, I’m talking about bones, teeth and wills. They just have this amazing ability to destroy anything they touch. When my oldest son was three years old, he broke his collar bone. ON THE BEACH. On the beach, people. It’s sand and water.. and seagulls, and he broke his collar bone. I just don’t even know how that’s possible, but he did it. He went on to break his feet (yes plural) when he was 11, and the week after his boots came off, he broke them again by jumping down an entire flight of stairs. I’m not making this up.

#2. Boys smell weird. It’s just a fact. As a baby, one of my twin boys had the smelliest feet on the planet. He wore socks, no shoes, and was a freaking baby… but his feet stunk. And they never grow out of it. Around puberty, there is a weird smell that starts coming out of everywhere and nowhere all at the same time. It can drive a mom insane. They try to mask it by spraying gallons of Axe body spray, but it’s still there. Lurking. And it’s just going to get worse the older they get, just get used to it. You can’t fix it.

#3. Boys like showers. For all of the showers they take, you’d think they’d be less smelly….  But they aren’t. And… for the love… I’m just going to pretend I don’t know why. Because the alternative makes me want to throw up a little.

#4. Boys cannot clean.  They try, bless their smelly little hearts, but they just don’t get it. Now that my twins are 17, I thought I could rely on them to ‘tidy up’ the house a little. I left a list that included sweeping and mopping and general chores. When I came home, they were so excited to show me that they had completed the entire list!! Not. They swept maybe one corner of one room, and sorta spit mopped, if that’s a thing. They cleaned off surfaces by shoving everything to one side and calling it good. It was less than helpful

#5. Boys will own your heart. I’m telling you, as they’ve gotten older, my boys have just taken over my heart. I melt when my big boys who tower over me drape themselves across my shoulders for a hug or tap on my bedroom door at night to tell me they love me before they head to bed. They hold my heart in their grimy little hands and somehow, that makes the breaking stuff, the mystery smells and the non cleaning a little less annoying. I’m pretty sure it’s Boy Magic, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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